P A T I E N C E // PATIENCE PATIENCE

Patience is something I’ve been struggling with lately. Patience is like the black hole of emotion for me. When I start asking these powerful questions, what is it that I truly want, who do I want to become, what does my ideal day look like, what do I truly enjoy doing most, where do I want to be, who do I want to be with? They all build off one another, it’s as if you can’t answer one without segwaying into the next. I’m really good at dreaming up and living in the future. But that’s where anxiety stems from, which can be crippling for me. Sometimes we must look to our past to get us to the future. But we can’t live there, because depression sets in and thankfully I don’t struggle with that. All while we must remember to be living in the moment. It’s seems practically impossible, but the best way I’ve found is to practice these …

 

Future :: Create vision boards for my future. The possibility excites me and it’s a creative outlet for me.  

Present :: Journaling about the current day, and or what’s going on currently. Gratitude goes a long way.

Past :: Every once in awhile I’ll glance through old photos, it’s very nostalgic and I always feel so grateful for where I’ve been over the years.

 

Truth be told, I think I know what I want right now, but I don’t. And that’s completely okay. This is why I need to learn to be patience with this transition. This comes forth in not only my professional life, but also my personal life. I get so stuck on this idea or vision of how it is suppose to be. I am a strong believer in creating vision for your life. But I also must be reminded that if it doesn’t work out the way I planned I can not be disappointed. When it doesn’t work out the way I wanted is because I forced or rushed my decision. Other times I was thinking too small, and there’s much bigger opportunities are possible. Sometimes I get stuck in the same patterns because it’s what I know, it’s what is comfortable. Then I get super impatience because things aren’t moving forward. So start searching and figure it out along the way.

 

One day I’m all in on this promising opportunity (which I’ll be writing about next) and then onto the next planning a year long road trip (and this will be written about to). I need to sit with all of my visions/dreams and just pick one. It might not make the most sense but it will be the path that truly gets me closer to the person and or life I desire. The problem when I finally decide it consumes me, entirely.

 

 

Which lead me to realize I have this obsessive behavior/mindset. When I get something in my head, it’s all I can think about and will do whatever it takes to make it happen. No one can convince me otherwise, I’m rather stubborn. As if I have blinders on and everything else around me stops. This has both positive and negatives. I usually get so caught up in making it a reality that I don’t ever stop enjoy the journey, living in the moment. Everything else feels like a distraction. For the last five years I’ve been so consumed of making something of myself that I’ve isolated myself and avoided any emotional attachment to anyone. I’ve taken on this mindset that it’s all on me, and I’ve got to do this for myself because no one else will. I’m completely independent and love the life I’ve made for myself. It’s all about your perspective. Again, becoming aware of behavioral patterns, is what sparks change. It also happen, when you least expect it and it opens your heart up to new possibilities. Whatever leads you to this moment of a-ha don’t just let it slip you by. A unexpected, unplanned weekend with someone is what sparked my realization of how disconnected I’ve been. We can envision the perfect life, mate, or outcome but I need to be open to everything.

 

The take away from learning to be patience with myself, I’ve distilled these mantras.

  1. Everything takes time.
  2. Remember what’s important.
  3. Everything works out, just not necessarily on your time schedule.
  4. Stay Positive.  
  5. Keep an open mind and open heart. ALWAYS.

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